Think about you’ve deliberate the journey of a lifetime on your animal-loving household: a cruise to Antarctica with the distinctive alternative to view penguins, whales and different uncommon wildlife. Your adventure-loving children can kayak by way of fjords, plunge into icy water and camp below the Antarctic sky.
However slightly than being ecstatic, as you anticipated, your children whine about skipping an after-school scout assembly at a neighbour’s home. Lacking this atypical weekly occasion triggers such intense FOMO – “worry of lacking out” – for them that they don’t need to go in your wonderful expedition.
If this sort of debacle sounds acquainted to you – or at the very least should you discover it perplexing – you’re not alone. The three of us are advertising professors and social psychologists who concentrate on how customers make choices and the way this shapes well-being. We’ve been finding out FOMO for over a decade and not too long ago revealed our work within the Journal of Character and Social Psychology. Over time, we’ve discovered what actually drives intense emotions of FOMO – which explains why a run-of-the-mill assembly would possibly really feel extra essential than an over-the-top trip.
FOMO’s actual set off
Individuals use the time period FOMO in many various methods. In our analysis, we concentrate on a really particular sort of FOMO: the type that happens when individuals miss out on occasions that contain valued social connections.
With this sort of FOMO, we discovered that the ache of lacking out will not be associated to lacking the precise occasion or alternative – though that may very well be there as nicely. The FOMO we examine occurs when individuals miss the prospect to bond with associates, co-workers or teammates they care about.
So, the vital a part of FOMO is lacking out on interactions with individuals you worth. FOMO a couple of group dinner at a restaurant isn’t actually in regards to the meals and nice lighting. Neither is FOMO a couple of live performance simply in regards to the band’s efficiency. As an alternative, it’s in regards to the misplaced alternative to attach and make reminiscences with people who find themselves essential to you.
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Why is that this upsetting? Think about the situation the place all of your finest associates exit to dinner with out you. They bond and make lasting reminiscences with one another – and also you’re not there for any of it.
In the event that they get nearer to one another, the place does that depart you? What occurs to your social relationships and your sense of belonging? Do you develop into a much less essential good friend? Much less worthy of future invitations? And even kicked out of the group altogether? The anxiousness of FOMO can start to spiral.
Individuals with what psychologists name an anxious attachment type chronically worry rejection and isolation from others. As a result of FOMO includes anxiousness about future social belonging, it might not come as a shock that people who find themselves naturally extra anxious about their friendships are likely to get extra intense FOMO. After we requested individuals in one in all our research to scroll social media till they encountered one thing social they missed, we discovered that the extra anxiously connected a participant was, the extra intense FOMO they skilled.
Not simply lacking Coachella
Getting FOMO for an incredible occasion you possibly can’t attend is sensible. But when FOMO is much less in regards to the occasion itself and extra in regards to the social bonding, what occurs if you miss one thing that’s not likely enjoyable in any respect? We discover that folks anticipate FOMO even for unenjoyable missed occasions. So long as there may be some type of missed social bonding, emotions of FOMO emerge. One in every of our research discovered that folks anticipated extra FOMO from lacking an un-fun occasion that their associates can be at, than a enjoyable occasion with out their associates.
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For higher or for worse, unhappy and aggravating occasions can usually be emotionally bonding: Going to a funeral to assist a good friend, cleansing up the mess after a celebration, and even white-knuckling by way of a harrowing initiation ceremony can all supply alternatives to forge stronger connections with each other. Annoying contexts like these may be fertile grounds for FOMO.
How you can fend off FOMO
Well-liked discussions in regards to the damaging penalties of FOMO are likely to concentrate on the FOMO individuals really feel from compulsively scrolling on social media and seeing what they missed out on. Consequently, a lot of the steered recommendation on learn how to mitigate FOMO facilities on turning off telephones or taking a trip from social media.
These suggestions could also be powerful for many individuals to execute. Plus, they handle the signs of FOMO, not the trigger. Our discovering that the core of FOMO is anxiousness about missed social relationships yields a less complicated technique to fight it: Reminding your self of the final time you linked with shut associates might present a way of safety that staves off emotions of FOMO. In an experiment testing a number of interventions, we requested 788 examine contributors to look by way of their social media feeds till they encountered a publish of a missed social occasion. We requested about 200 of those contributors to right away charge how a lot FOMO they had been feeling. They averaged a 3.2 on a 1-to-7 scale.
One other group of about 200 contributors additionally scrolled by way of their social media feeds till they encountered a publish of a missed social occasion. However earlier than indicating how a lot FOMO they had been feeling, we requested them to assume again to a previous expertise socializing and bonding with their associates. Encouragingly, this reflection train appeared to curtail FOMO. Their common FOMO ranking was 2.7 out of seven, a major drop.
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With the remaining contributors, we examined different methods for mitigating FOMO – desirous about the subsequent time they may see their associates or imagining what they’d say to a FOMO-suffering good friend – however the easy reflection train was by far probably the most promising.
So, reminding your self of the significant relationships you have already got and reaffirming your social belonging within the second might assist fight the push of tension that’s attribute of FOMO.
And lacking out on social bonding experiences doesn’t must be anxiety-provoking. The truth is, in our activity-packed, hectic lives, lacking some “must-attend” occasions could also be a welcome aid – particularly should you remind your self that your social belonging will not be in jeopardy. Cue a latest wave of counter-FOMO programming known as JOMO, or “Pleasure of Lacking Out.” To cite Stuart Smalley, the fictional self-help guru of Nineteen Nineties “Saturday Night time Reside,” reminding your self that “I’m ok, I’m sensible sufficient, and doggone it, individuals like me!” is perhaps simply the trick to mitigate FOMO.