Observe our Olympics protection within the lead-up to the Paris Video games.
The shimmer of Caeleb Dressel’s seven gold medals might counsel in any other case, however he is aware of swimming is usually a brutal and suffocating sport.
He’s, with out a shadow of a doubt, among the finest on this planet at what he does, sprinting from one finish of the pool to the opposite (and generally again). He holds the world report within the males’s 100-meter butterfly, having first snatched that historic distinction away from Michael Phelps in 2019. Then, Dressel lowered his world report within the occasion on the Tokyo Olympics — the place he gained 5 gold medals in 5 occasions.
Regardless of all of it, Dressel was depressing.
He was fixated on the place he felt he’d failed. In a single race, it was the flip. One other, the end. His head place. It didn’t matter that he’d touched the wall first over and over. It didn’t matter that he was bringing gold dwelling and serving to Workforce USA end atop the medal depend. He chased perfection. He chased instances and chased stretch objectives. He hadn’t met them.
“I created a monster in myself — simply so caught up in perfectionism,” he informed former Olympians Missy Franklin and Katie Hoff on their “Unfiltered Waters” podcast. “So caught up in, ‘If I don’t see these instances, it means I’m a nasty individual, or it means I didn’t practice arduous sufficient. If I don’t go a world report, it means … I didn’t obsess sufficient.’”
The game he’d been drawn to as a child as a result of it was so delightfully enjoyable was fairly the other. And it’d been that method for years. However Dressel stored pushing himself, listening to his inside critic ripping himself aside.
Till he “broke,” he places it now. He withdrew abruptly in the midst of the 2022 world championship meet in Budapest and disappeared from the game for eight months.
Dressel hasn’t gone into a lot element about that interval of his life in Gainesville, Fla., apart from to say he spent quite a lot of time together with his therapist. His spouse, Meghan, was there for him, too, although she additionally realized there have been quite a lot of conversations Dressel wanted to have inside his personal thoughts. Some days, he didn’t do a lot. Most days, he averted routes that took him previous the College of Florida pool. He didn’t need to scent the chlorine.
He had to determine who he was past his finest instances and what made him tick exterior the pool. He needed to reorient himself, how he believed others felt about him and why they cherished him. He needed to learn to smile once more.
The method wasn’t straightforward, and progress hasn’t all the time been a straight line. However it’s what makes Dressel, 27, who he’s now as a swimmer and an individual (and new dad). It’s additionally why he’s again within the pool and headed to Paris, one of many headliners of Workforce USA and arguably crucial piece of the puzzle for the U.S. swim group in its efforts to win the meet by bringing dwelling extra gold medals than its friends. There’s exterior stress, sure. However inside his thoughts, Dressel’s greatest critic is quieter.
“It’s actually powerful,” Dressel informed The Athletic final month. “It’s embedded in me — the place you all the time need to search for methods to get higher. I’m nonetheless doing that, however I’m not turning into obsessed and so fixated on it that I lose sight of what’s really enjoyable with the game. It’s arduous, and it’s not like I’ve impulsively gotten to determine it out this yr. There are issues that I’m actually proud that I’ve carried out in a different way, like having the ability to get pleasure from elements of the game with out simply crapping on myself for not being excellent.
“It’s nonetheless very a lot a piece in progress.”
Caeleb Dressel gained 5 gold medals on the Tokyo Olympics. However a yr later, he walked away from the game. It’s nonetheless “a piece in progress,” he mentioned of his return. (Tim Clayton / Corbis through Getty Pictures)
Now, Dressel appears like an individual who’s discovered lots about himself by remedy. One of many first issues he’ll let you know is how useful his common appointments together with his therapist have been.
“I’ve been attempting to not be so fixated on outcomes and simply merely having fun with racing and coaching — these are the 2 elements of the game that I actually get pleasure from,” Dressel mentioned. “There are elements of the game that I actually dislike, that I actually hate. However it’s price placing up with for the moments that I actually do get pleasure from. It’s going to be a steadiness; I’m not anticipating each a part of the game to simply be the most effective factor ever for me. However I’ve actually leaned into the elements of the game that I do get pleasure from.
“That’s been the primary distinction for me. I’ve all the time cherished coaching. I’ve all the time cherished being across the group. The precise racing portion, I do actually, actually get pleasure from — as quickly because the gun goes off, it’s simply merely enjoyable. So, I’ve simply been attempting to maintain it simply merely swimming. Merely swimming this yr.”
Dressel will merely swim the 50-meter freestyle and the 100 fly as particular person occasions on the Video games, and he’ll possible be a part of a number of relays. On the U.S. Olympic trials in Indianapolis, he completed third within the 100-free remaining, which price him the chance to defend his gold medal within the occasion in Paris.
However he’s completely happy to be a part of the Olympic group. He’s happy with what he achieved at trials to qualify for it. He’s thrilled that his toddler son, August, bought to see all of it, held in Meghan’s arms within the stands.
“Nobody can take that away,” Dressel mentioned in Indianapolis. “He’s not going to recollect it. I’ll inform him, belief me, I bought pictures so I can show it. … That was a extremely particular second. Meghan is aware of what goes into this, not simply the parenting aspect of issues however she will get to see firsthand the struggles that include the game.
“The tears that include it, the frustration after which additionally the excessive factors, and attending to share that with them, as a result of they undergo that as effectively — that was actually particular, August attending to see that.”
Meghan shared a video of Dressel with child August on the Olympic coaching camp in North Carolina this month, one other second captured and saved to commemorate a once-in-a-lifetime second. They’ll be in Paris, too, alongside Dressel’s mother and father and household. Dressel mentioned he wouldn’t be the place he’s right now with out their assist. And he actually wouldn’t be the place he’s with out Meghan, whom he calls the “superhero” of their household.
Parenthood is fantastic for a lot of causes, however maybe the best lesson it teaches is one among perspective — particularly for somebody who has spent most of his life chasing instances and looking perfection that doesn’t and can’t exist.
“I don’t know if I’ll ever go a finest time ever once more, and that’s powerful to say out loud. It truly is,” Dressel mentioned. “Whenever you’re 19, 20, 21, you retain chipping away, chipping away, chipping away. I’m nonetheless working tougher than ever, discovering each path I can take to shave these couple of tenths. However I don’t know. I don’t know if I can do this. I’m actually good at racing. You set me in a race, I’ll make it shut, as shut as I presumably can, even when I’ve to attempt to kill myself to get there. I’ll put myself in these conditions.”
So, he doesn’t know precisely how Paris will go. However he is aware of he’s older, wiser and genuinely happier than earlier than the final Olympic Video games. Others see it, too, and never simply when he’s straddling the lane line after a race or punching the water in celebration.
“He’s all the time had that smile,” seven-time gold medalist and College of Florida coaching associate Katie Ledecky mentioned. “He took that point away, and when he got here again, he’s had that smile day by day. Simply to see his development over this previous yr, how he’s simply gotten higher and higher every meet — he appears to simply be loving the racing, and he loves the coaching in all probability greater than the racing, and that makes everybody round him higher.”
It should make among the finest swimmers on this planet higher, too. And that’s why that smile is pretty much as good as gold, it doesn’t matter what medal hangs round Dressel’s neck.
“I don’t know if I’ll ever go a finest time ever once more, and that’s powerful to say out loud,” Caeleb Dressel mentioned. He’ll give it a shot in Paris beginning later this month. (Maddie Meyer / Getty Pictures)
(High illustration: Dan Goldfarb / The Athletic; picture: Sarah Stier / Getty Pictures)