When my husband advised me that Amazon had tailored H.G. Wells’ Battle of the Worlds, advised from the attitude of rapper and musician Ice Dice in entrance of a webcam, together with the video calls he takes, and that it debuted to a 0% critics’ rating on Rotten Tomatoes (which has now risen to three%), I knew I used to be sat.
Why? There’s a distinction between being upset by a movie and laughing to the purpose of tears as a result of it’s so unhealthy. This film falls into the latter class, and persons are getting wind of it, with Battle of the Worlds climbing into Prime Video’s prime ten most-watched record.
Earlier than I get into my observations and criticisms, I’m not a filmmaker. I don’t doubt that many individuals behind this venture labored lengthy, arduous hours and put in all their effort, and I can’t say with confidence that I’d have finished a greater job. I would even guess that, sooner or later within the filmmaking, they determined to lean into the chaos and, as an alternative of constructing a mediocre movie, made a phenomenally abysmal one.
In both case, everybody who labored on this film can take consolation in the truth that it has the potential to be as beloved as Tommy Wiseau’s cult hit The Room, and that’s actually not a nasty factor.
There’s a distinction between being upset by a movie and laughing to the purpose of tears as a result of it’s so unhealthy
The place do I even start?
Battle of the Worlds is a basic novel that has been tailored many instances. I’ve personally seen the 2005 Steven Spielberg movie starring Tom Cruise, and Jeff Wayne’s musical adaptation that’s been working for the reason that Nineteen Seventies.
Each of these take some inventive liberties, however this adaptation from Amazon went for an much more unorthodox route.
Ice Dice performs Will Radford, a Division of Homeland Safety (DHS) officer working the ‘graveyard shift’, which based on timestamps on his pc is 9am to 5pm. Regardless of the large workplace he works in, he has no different colleagues to maintain him firm.
And that’s stunning, seeing as this pc whizz has entry to and management over seemingly each digicam, drone, automotive, smartphone and different gadget by merely right-clicking and overriding techniques with a couple of strains of code and the pc app TeamViewer (which I’m certain that IT professionals will agree, is just not the way it works).
Seemingly, he begins his day by clicking round the US map at random, checking for ‘threats’, along with his little checkbox system telling him if somebody is secure.
You’re most likely considering, ‘That’s quite a lot of energy for one man to have’ – and also you’re proper. However certainly, he’s devoted to his job and solely makes use of these surveillance expertise for the protection of his nation… proper?
Ice Dice is the world’s worst dad and worker
Throughout the first jiffy of this apparently crucial US Authorities job, we uncover that Ice Dice is utilizing his cameras as an alternative to spy on his pregnant daughter, Religion, as she goes about her day.
This begins with him calling her on WhatsApp and berating her for her breakfast decisions, which he learns after hacking into a restaurant’s safety system and seeing what she orders. When she fairly rightfully claps again, he then reveals that he even is aware of the contents of her fridge, as a result of he has cameras arrange throughout her house, with one feed ickily displaying her bed room, an area she shares along with her boyfriend, Mark.
…from the start, it’s arduous to wish to root for this man
He additionally has a strained relationship along with his son, Dave. We see him hacking into Dave’s pc and telling him off for spending an excessive amount of time gaming. The pair bicker about knowledge privateness and finish the decision frostily. Each of those plot factors predictably come up later.
So, from the start, it’s arduous to wish to root for this man. He additionally appears to doss at work always, ignoring calls from essential authorities officers. These embrace ‘Sandra NASA’, performed by Determined Housewives alumna Eva Longoria, and ‘DHS Director Briggs’ of the FBI, portrayed by Clark Gregg – a well-known face to anybody who’s watched Marvel’s Brokers of S.H.I.E.L.D.
He lastly begins listening to his job when aliens invade. That’s when he begins utilizing his surveillance expertise to attempt to direct his kids to security. This consists of one baffling second when he tells his pregnant daughter, who has simply been severely injured and sprinted away from aliens, that her heartbeat is just too excessive (as a result of he can entry wearable knowledge immediately as nicely, apparently).
It’s 105 BPM. As a pregnant lady myself, my heartbeat hits these highs climbing stairs, by no means thoughts working for my life. In case you ask me, it’s not excessive sufficient.
Simply if you assume this man has realized the error of his methods, he brings up the truth that he’s not been invited to his daughter’s child bathe… as she bleeds out in a driverless Tesla with a shard of metallic lodged in her leg.
And this sense of tonal dissonance is current all through the movie.
Particulars and nuance? Neglect about it
Think about for a second how you’d react if Earth went to battle in opposition to large aliens. No matter you’re picturing, I doubt it’s the identical as what Ice Dice does, or what anybody on this film does, for that matter.
Amazon Prime Video/Common
When the military takes down considered one of these terrifying mechs, he whoops and hollers as if his NFL workforce had simply scored a landing, exclaiming “WOO! Hell yeah” and “Take your intergalactic asses… again house!” as he factors on the ceiling. Understand that this can be a very high-ranking analyst within the US Authorities.
There’s a really ironic second when Ice Dice begins watching a reporter from Fox Information, who’s standing in the course of a area with the caption ‘TAKE SHELTER IMMEDIATELY. DO NOT GO OUTSIDE’. Seconds later, the world she is standing in is blown up.
And it’s not simply baffling performances. The enhancing and set dressing are equally carelessly executed.
At one level, we see Religion’s boyfriend Mark ‘driving’ frantically to get to his injured accomplice. Besides, if you look out his window, the surroundings isn’t transferring in any respect. He’s very clearly sitting stationary in a parking lot, jerking the wheel forwards and backwards like a loopy individual. We additionally see footage of a room impacted by an earthquake, besides it’s very clearly simply the digicam shaking – nothing proven on the desk strikes even a millimetre.
The aliens themselves are obsessive about ‘authorities knowledge centres’ from throughout the globe, and we are able to see feeds from completely different places, corresponding to Dallas, Taipei and London. I instantly took discover of that final one. As somebody who lives on this metropolis, I do know that constructing is not in London and even the UK… and I do know that as a result of I’ve visited it.
It’s a live performance corridor in Reykjavik, Iceland. Listed below are some side-by-side photographs of the constructing from Battle of the Worlds, and considered one of my Icelandic vacation in 2021.
There are too many wild decisions on this movie to record: sloppy writing, corresponding to police warrants being despatched through WhatsApp and the aliens particularly focusing on previous Fb posts for some purpose, in addition to continuity nightmares, corresponding to spilt espresso disappearing from Ice Dice’s fleece in a cut up second.
However 2025’s Battle of the Worlds additionally falls sufferer to a higher risk. Capitalism.
I’ve by no means seen such egregious Amazon product placement
In case you thought Apple TV+ utilizing iPhones and MacOS software program in most of its exhibits was unhealthy, you’ve really seen nothing.
One of many heroes of this movie is Religion’s boyfriend Mark, who additionally occurs to be a Prime supply driver. Even supposing Ice Dice is ready to take private WhatsApp calls and utterly flout all the safety measures in place for his job, he doesn’t have entry to a USB flash drive.
However by no means worry, our lord and saviour Amazon is right here – with Amazon Prime Air’s drone supply service in a position to get it straight to the federal government headquarters instantly… regardless of the itemizing web page saying that the quickest supply can be the next day.
Hannah Cowton-Barnes / Foundry
At one level, the drone with the flash drive crashes and should be turned upright. Our workforce of shill protagonists spot a homeless man and hack his cellphone to get him to assist out.
He’s reluctant at first, however shortly modifications his thoughts when he’s bribed with a $1,000 Amazon reward card… which, as a YouTube touch upon this sketch from Man Carrying Issues factors out, recipients want a set handle to obtain. And, as one other commenter states, the aliens someway destroyed foreign money earlier within the movie, so the cardboard holds no worth anyway.
There are repeated criticisms over the Authorities “spying on individuals’s Amazon carts” – not about them harvesting delicate knowledge corresponding to financial institution data and private identification, or creepily watching their fridges and bedrooms. There are additionally a number of cases of footage on Ring doorbells.
Why it’s best to watch Ice Dice’s Battle of the Worlds
The essay above solely covers a fraction of a few of the hilariously unhealthy issues about this film, and that alone ought to make you wish to watch it proper now.
I ended the expertise in an identical state to how I felt after watching Jason Statham in A Working Man (which was additionally made by Amazon, how coincidental): filled with pleasure with the urge to put in writing this text and share my expertise with our readers.
Ice Dice’s Battle of the Worlds is without doubt one of the worst films I’ve ever seen, and I do know I’ll be consuming each op-ed and meme about it for the subsequent few weeks no less than. The extent of leisure is unparalleled. Go watch it.