Kano couple buck the trend in Nigeria’s ‘divorce capital’

A pair who reside in Nigeria’s “divorce capital” are being hailed for his or her lengthy marriage having lately celebrated their fiftieth marriage ceremony anniversary.

Mahmud Kabir Yusuf and Rabiatu Tahir spoke to the BBC in regards to the secrets and techniques of their happiness, and about why so many marriages fail within the northern metropolis of Kano, in a video that has generated a lot remark.

Mr Yusuf places it all the way down to his spouse’s beneficiant nature.

“She is a really unselfish individual and he or she overlooks lots which has contributed to the success of our marriage,” the 76-year-old informed BBC Hausa.

This prompts a smile from Ms Tahir, who’s in her late sixties. Collectively the couple have had 13 youngsters – and he or she praised her husband’s capability to stay calm within the face of the difficulties all households confront.

“He’s a really affected person man and I really feel that was additionally key to our success,” she stated.

The pair say they love and respect one another – and so they clearly take pleasure in one another’s firm, breaking off to snort a number of instances through the interview.

For Hassana Mahmud, it’s a revelation. The 39-year-old divorcee has been married 5 instances and is impressed by the couple and their evident contentment.

“In all my marriages I’ve solely spent 4 years with a partner – so to see them on social media celebrating this milestone was refreshing,” she stated.

“My husbands had been all good and caring throughout courtship however modified after the marriage,” stated the mom of 4.

“I really feel dangerous each time I hear individuals name Kano ‘the divorce capital of Nigeria’, I hope issues will change,” she added.

Kano gained the epithet after divorce charges started to rise within the Nineties and it has not been capable of shake off the undesirable label.

A whole bunch of marriages collapse every month in Nigeria’s most populous state, whose capital, Kano metropolis, is the business hub of the north.

In 2022 analysis achieved by the BBC in collaboration with the native authorities disclosed that 32% of marriages in Kano state solely survive between three and 6 months.

It additionally revealed that some individuals aged between 20 and 25 had already gone via three marriages.

The dimensions of separations is a priority – particularly for the Hisbah, a Kano state-funded Islamic company that offers with ethical points and enforces Sharia, or Islamic regulation within the state.

It has a police unit that enforces issues like segregation in public locations and an alcohol ban for Muslims, who make up the vast majority of residents. It additionally has a counselling service primarily to assist struggling married {couples}.

Lengthy traces of ladies can usually be seen queueing exterior its places of work to complain that their ex-husbands will not be serving to with upkeep for his or her youngsters.

Individuals are likely to marry younger in Kano – usually earlier than the authorized age of 18.

Others really feel Islam’s simple technique of divorce could be an element as husbands can merely inform their wives: “I divorce you” or write that on a bit of paper and it’s over. These days a message despatched on social media is sufficient to finish their marriage.

Aminu Daurawa works for the Hisbah to deal with the excessive divorce price. One in every of their options is to supply a second likelihood to individuals and higher put together them for married life.

The company organises mass marriages, often known as “Auren Zawarawa”, primarily for divorcees – appearing as a matchmaker on an enormous scale.

The a whole bunch of newly wed {couples}, who’re handled to a giant marriage ceremony ceremony, are additionally supplied a small sum to assist them arrange a enterprise and different family items.

This initiative started in 2012 – although Mr Daurawa acknowledges divorce charges are nonetheless excessive.

“We find out about that downside – that’s the reason we arrange a committee to test on every couple after the wedding so we do not get the previous [same] outcomes,” he stated.

However Hadiza Ado, founding father of non-governmental organisation Girls and Youngsters Initiative, says the variety of divorces proceed to rise.

“For the time being we stand up to 30 marital instances every day in our numerous places of work,” she informed the BBC.

“The troubling Nigerian economic system is the number-one cause in the mean time.

“Husbands exit to make ends meet and generally come again dwelling empty-handed, which causes rifts.”

The follow of utilizing matchmakers is frequent in Kano as a result of in a Muslim society single individuals don’t combine, so it’s tough to satisfy potential companions.

The one place that the sexes combine can be at college or different tertiary establishments, which most individuals don’t attend.

When persons are matched collectively they usually get married hardly figuring out one another.

In truth Mahmud Kabir Yusuf and Rabiatu Tahir had been launched as children by an older girl of their neighbourhood.

She was the one who felt they’d be a very good match – however they didn’t tie the knot for an additional 12 years, giving them ample time to get to know each other.

One man with a status for making profitable matches says that’s key.

“A whole lot of investigation must be achieved earlier than marriage to know the individuals concerned,” Rabiu Ado informed the BBC.

He arrange as a matchmaker 10 years in the past. The 46-year-old had not meant to change into a wedding dealer, although it had been the job of his mom.

He was working as a truck driver when he was approached by pals complaining in regards to the issue of discovering a companion.

After making some profitable introductions, he realised he had a knack for the household enterprise.

He now has billboards promoting his providers – and will get between one and 5 purchasers every day. He interviews them and will get to know their attitudes and expectations. Typically males need a girl who can generate profits and ladies need wealthy males.

“Lots of people go into marriages with the incorrect mindset, which is why they get disillusioned after a while.”

He says he has organised round 500 marriages over the past decade, with a hit price of greater than 90%.

He counsels {couples} to at all times take time to know one another nicely earlier than marrying.

Mr Ado, who has the nickname “Mai Dalili” that means “He who makes it occur”, says the excessive variety of divorces means some individuals do not take marriage critically.

“I really feel why divorce is excessive in Kano is as a result of individuals really feel I can at all times get one other individual after a divorce.”

Islamic cleric Abdullahi Ishaq Garangamawa defends the convenience with which Muslims can break up.

“Islam is merciful and made marriages and divorces not arduous so that individuals won’t be caged when issues aren’t going proper,” he informed the BBC.

“Previously we did not have this many divorces as our dad and mom had been married for many years. It was in current instances that individuals began abusing the method for egocentric pursuits,” he says.

“However in essence, not like in some religions the place it is until demise regardless of the scenario, Islam legalises divorce when issues get out of hand.”

Mr Yusuf, who used to work for the now-defunct Nigeria Airways, says sharing life’s difficulties and serving to each other has been essential to his enduring partnership with Ms Tahir.

“Love can be key as a result of once you love one another genuinely you have a tendency to remain collectively.

“My recommendation to individuals getting married is to not get into it for egocentric causes however go into it with real intentions.”

His spouse agrees, including: “My very own recommendation is that individuals eager to get married need to be affected person with one another – if one companion is offended, the opposite needs to be calm.”

Further reporting by Abba Awwalu