Actor Dia Mirza lately opened up about navigating her bond with stepdaughter, Samaira Rekhi. Sharing a humorous reminiscence from the early days of their relationship throughout a dialog with The Official Folks of India, Dia revealed how she by no means learn fairy tales as a toddler, which was the rationale behind her not villainising her stepfather in her thoughts.
She then spoke about her stepdaughter Samaira, including, “Thank god I didn’t learn fairy tales rising up. As a result of these would’ve created a complete totally different set of biases. Stepfathers, stepmothers are at all times evil. Which brings me to Samaira, who has saved my quantity on her telephone as — ‘Dia, not but the evil stepmother.’ That’s what fairy tales do, proper? I’m wondering if she’s modified the outline below my identify.”
The actor then elaborated on her personal expertise of rising up with a stepfather, Ahmed Mirza, whom she lovingly known as ‘abba’. She stated, “I bear in mind the final time I met him in Hyderabad earlier than I went to an abroad shoot, throughout which era he handed away (in 2003). I’ll always remember the hug he gave me and the tears he had in his eyes as he stated goodbye.” Regardless of his initially reserved nature, she remembered how she and her mom helped him turn out to be extra expressive.
How early influences like fairy tales form a toddler’s notion of step-parents
Sonal Khangarot, licensed rehabilitation counsellor and psychotherapist, The Reply Room, tells indianexpress.com, “Early childhood tales, particularly fairy tales, can quietly however powerfully form how kids understand step-parents. Traditional tales like Cinderella, Snow White, or Hansel and Gretel usually painting stepmothers as merciless or untrustworthy, embedding a unconscious bias. That is the place classical conditioning, an idea launched by Ivan Pavlov (behaviourist), is available in. Simply as Pavlov’s canine realized to affiliate a bell with meals, kids might start to affiliate ‘step-parent’ with worry or abandonment, merely by means of repeated storytelling.”
In on a regular basis life, she provides, that is bolstered by means of operant conditioning, “a framework developed by B.F. Skinner (pioneer of behaviour modification). If adults round a toddler reward or snort at these portrayals, or if the media always paints step-parents in a adverse gentle, these concepts get additional cemented.”
Khangarot gives extra perception: “Albert Bandura (social studying theorist), in his well-known Bobo doll experiment, confirmed how kids imitate behaviours they observe — particularly from adults or media figures. Even with out direct expertise, in the event that they repeatedly see a step-parent being merciless on display screen, they’re more likely to anticipate and even mimic these dynamics in actual life.”
The identical studying patterns apply to how kids come to perceive love and romance. Khangarot explains that fairy tales usually reinforce the concept love is earned by means of magnificence, obedience, or being “rescued.” This, too, units up unrealistic expectations, bolstered by means of reward-punishment cycles (Skinner) and romantic modeling (Bandura).
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Efficient methods for step-parents to construct belief and a constructive bond with their stepchildren
“As a psychologist, I need to be sincere: it’s not at all times straightforward, and it received’t at all times really feel truthful,” asserts Khangarot.
She mentions, “First, don’t power affection. Let the kid set the tempo. Be current, not performative. Consistency is your strongest foreign money — small, reliable gestures matter greater than grand ones.”
Second, acknowledge the little one’s emotional actuality. You don’t need to “repair” how they really feel. You simply need to make room for it. That alone is highly effective. Third, respect their bond with their organic father or mother. Encourage conversations about them—this exhibits you’re not competing, and removes the strain from the kid to decide on sides.
“Lastly, work on the grownup relationship too — whether or not with the organic father or mother or different caregivers,” concludes Khangarot.